After a couple weeks break, I am back. I stepped away for a bit during spring break to take care of my three dudes. Three dudes + One Mom = Zero Coherent Thought Processes. Also, I’ve been dealing with some stuff. Yay! When I took on this blog I knew that there would inevitably be some type of spiritual, emotional, mental, or physical attack that would come my way. People warned me it would happen, but I thought: “That’s fine Satan, bring it. I can handle whatever you throw at me!” The thing is, you never know the form the attack will rear itself in. So, it’s not something you can easily prepare for.
In my case, the attack started as a scab that wouldn’t go away and soon became an infection. (I don’t really have a literal scab or infection in the physical sense. It’s a situational scab). Usually, when you have an infection you can treat it and it goes away. Other times, the infection attacks multiple areas of your body. Immunities build up, so normal treatments won’t even eradicate it. The infection becomes harder to deal with. It takes over and begins to effect other areas of your body. You try different approaches to treat the infection, but nothing works. It’s toxic. It makes you sick, weak, and unable to complete normal everyday tasks because it’s all you can think about. Other people begin to notice the toll it’s taken on you. Circulation of the infection makes its way down to your foot. All treatments render useless. It sets in like you never thought it would or could. Nothing touches the pain. After a while of fighting the good fight, the doctor finally tells you it’s time to take precautionary measures. Amputation of your foot and lower leg is necessary because if you let it go, all the toxic infection will go into your blood stream. Once it enters your blood stream, you might as well forget about options. You’re a goner. You don’t want to amputate because, well… your body parts are pretty important to you and your survival. That foot and leg have been around since the beginning. It has taken you places you loved and places you wish you had never experienced. Daily living will forever change once it’s gone. You will look down everyday and remember the living flesh that once was there. Life will never be the same again, but you understand that’s your only option for survival at this point. I mean, you could let it go and see what happens, but you know and understand the outcome. Your other foot, leg, organs, and blood don’t deserve to become toxic, and it is your duty to protect those things that are vital to your survival.
My husband and friends told me to write about my infection. They said writing about real life is my duty and this is something everyday people can relate to. I agree with them, but there comes a fine line between writing about something that affects me and airing out my dirty laundry. I’m not interested in the latter. Also, who wants to read about something without a happy ending? People hate movies and books like that. People look to be cheered up not brought down! I’m still in infection mode right now, though. That’s real life. There’s no happy ending yet, and it may never come. What I will say is this: Years ago, Jeremy and I made a few bad decisions that changed the course of our lives forever. You all know the story by now, no need to rehash it. I have learned that God can forgive you, and you can forgive yourself, but some people never will. 6 and a half years ago I created a self-inflicted wound. It scabbed and healed, and a scar was left behind. I still see and feel it, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. See, that scar reminds me of where I used to be, but I refuse to let it maim me. I own the scar; it doesn’t own me. The problem is, sometimes other people poke needles in it, which creates a new scab on top of an old wound. That’s where I’m at right now, fighting off scar tissue infection.
I have a friend/confidant/mentor who gave me some sound advice recently. He is a huge supporter of My Own Samaria. When he asked why I haven’t written anything lately, I told him I was dealing with an infection. He laughed and said: “Too much information. I don’t want to know anymore!” We talked briefly about actual infections, not my specific one, and he gave me some words to live by. With his permission I am going to share with you what he told me. “Knowing a bit of the back story, your comment about infections really got me thinking. I am dealing with my own infection lately and then when you said that, it started me down this road to thinking. There are 2 kinds of infections, bacterial and viral. A bacterial infection is where this foreign body invades our space and the side effects IT gives off causes us to feel ill. We suffer symptoms and maladies based on those effects, but it doesn’t change us. We just have to react and fight the foreign body. A viral infection invades our very being. It takes over what we already are and changes us internally causing US to give off illness. That’s why we can’t take medicine for a virus. It has to run its course. We hold on and hope we live through it. This has led me to the conclusion that my infection is bacterial, and it’s not going to change me fundamentally. I can fight those symptoms, and I don’t have to just ‘weather the storm’. I think your infection is bacterial also. It won’t change who you are . . . for what that’s worth.” Smart dude, my friend, smart dude…
There’s no vaccination or magic medicine for life situation infections. So, what happens when it sets in and there’s no known cure? You pray. You fight. You exist. You eliminate negativity. You take precautionary measures in order for survival. You wait out the storm. You know that as long as you have God on your side, the outcome will be in you favor because you follow and trust in Him. You don’t “become the virus”, you “eradicate it” by any means necessary. You create a team that has the knowledge and resources to handle these type of infections. And, if you’re forced to amputate a foot and leg because it has become toxic, know that life goes on. Most importantly, give it to God. And, in the meantime, until you are healed… You LIVE… because without living the infection wins. Everyone likes a happy ending. Fight for yours!
Peace, Love, and Jesus,